How to Prepare Oneself for Inevitable Death

Step 1: Ascertain that one is in possession of reasonably large quantities of ice cream.
Step 2: Seek alternative ways to direct one's attention and focus, such as homework, painting one's nails, baking cookies, etc.
Step 3: Remind oneself calmly, on occasion, that the events of the day are certain and beyond one's power to alter.
Step 4: Try not to cry.
Step 5: Warn those nearby of the eventual necessity of tears.
Step 6: Be honest with oneself and embrace the surety of pain and tears.

Confession

Let's just be honest here.

The real reason I watch Downton Abbey is for the clothes.

I drooled over a few of Sybil's and Mary's gowns.  And also Mary's hats.

THE. HAT.

One of my VERY favorites.

It's just so beautiful.  Really.

I'm really mad there isn't a picture of my favorite of Sybil's gowns.  OH WELL.  We'll have to make do with this.

(I wish you could see her whole coat here--it's GORGEOUS)

I almost cried at Mary's headband for her wedding dress.

Isn't it so pretty?

Here, look at it some more.

And actually let's just look at her whole dress while we're at it.

I would wear something like that.  I would.  It's so simple, yet elegant...I just love it.

I mean sure, the characters are pretty cool, the story line is interesting and engaging, and also MARY AND MATTHEW, but I watch this show because 1920's fashion.

I think that's reason enough, don't you?

Gratitude

I have been blessed with some of the most amazing friends anyone could have.
I honestly could not tell you what I did for Heavenly Father to allow me the privilege to know these girls, but I am so grateful for all they have done and continue to do in guiding and blessing my life.
I hope you know, I think you are absolutely incredible.
And I love you.
A ton.

In Which Lara Is Rather Quite Feminist

I have a little itty problem.

Sometimes people make me angry in their discussion of or treatment of girls.

I'm well aware that although the Church itself is about as far from misogynistic as you can get, some of the people in it can be just that.

Case in point:
Today I was walking home from class in front of a group of boys.  They were talking about a girl.  The conversation went something like this:
Boy 1: "...she's in the same major as my mom."
Boy 2: "What major is that?"
Boy 1: "Family and Consumer Science.  So, like a 'life' major."
Boy 2: "She's basically training herself to be a wife and mom!"
Boy 1: "Yeah.  And she can cook really well.  She'd be a great wife."
Boy 2: "That's awesome!" (proceeds to ask him about dating her, etc.)
When I stopped at the crosswalk I realized I was all but fuming with anger.

I am BY NO MEANS saying that there is ANYTHING wrong with majoring in Family and Consumer Science.  Kudos to that girl; I'm sure she's awesome.  My issue here lies with the boys.
In particular, the way the fact that she was majoring in FaCS made her immediately much more attractive to them.

Now, I'm sure these are good boys who want a wife and a family someday, and I fully support that.  But the tone of their conversation sent the message that this girl was superior to other girls on the dating scene because she was in a "wife-training" major, and that it would be a turn-OFF if a girl were in a less family-focused field of study such as, say, engineering or something.

Let me explain this to you.

I am an engineering major.  I LOVE doing all the stereotypically "boy" things like math, physics, chemistry, computer systems, good old-fashioned "numbers and equations and analysis" problem-solving.  I fully intend on getting married and having a family and placing my family as my first priority in life.  I don't care if I never get the chance to actually have a CAREER in my field, because I'm learning problem-solving approaches that will help me in whatever I do for the rest of my life.  I've already seen how my major is going to make me a better wife and mother, and I'm not all that far into it yet.

And yet a lot of the boys I meet--dare I say?--more than half of them, display either a visible or an audible negative reaction when I tell them what my major is.

That makes me sad.  Because of things like this quote, straight from the mouth of President Hinckley: "In this day and time, a girl needs an education. She needs the means and skills by which to earn a living should she find herself in a situation where it becomes necessary to do so.
"The whole gamut of human endeavor is now open to women.  There is not anything you cannot do if you will set your mind to it.  I am grateful that women today are afforded the same opportunity to study for science, for the professions, and for every other facet of human knowledge.  You are as entitled as are men to the Spirit of Christ, which enlightens every man and woman who comes into the world.
"You can include in your dreams of the woman you would like to be a picture of one qualified to serve society and make a significant contribution to the world of which she will be a part.  Set your priorities in terms of marriage and family, but also pursue educational programs which will lead to satisfying work in case you do not marry, or to a sense of security and fulfillment in the event you do marry.  Education will increase your appreciation and refine your talent." (x)

I think a lot of boys here don't realize that or don't really think about it.  Just because a girl isn't majoring in FaCS doesn't mean she doesn't want to be married and have a family just as much as a girl who is, and I wish boys wouldn't treat girls who are pursuing maybe less-traditionally feminine studies as less qualified for marriage.

...okay I think I'm done now thanks for listening to my rant on misogyny have a nice day.

Cambiar

Last night, something a little unusual and kind of funny happened.

My life changed.

And not just a little shift or a tiny alteration.  It changed dramatically for good.

I'm not sure I can pinpoint one thing that spurred it, but everything has been jump-started in the best way imaginable.  It's almost like my life was a system of gears, complex and yet astonishingly simple, waiting for one final piece to fit in before it could leap into a glorious whir of motion.

Well, that last piece clicked into place yesterday, and I have never felt so good about anything before.  For the first time in ages my thoughts, desires, actions, and beliefs are sliding into perfect, almost supernal alignment.  I feel free and decidedly attuned and I'm ready to plunge myself, heart and soul, into doing the work of Him who loves, trusts, and values me more than anyone else ever could.

I'm going to need His support now more than ever, but I step forward with the embedded and abiding certainty that He will never let me fall.

I know I've expressed sentiments like this before, but it's never been quite like this.  Because this time I've had the courage to make an immense (albeit necessary) change, and it's propelled me in a giant step toward my potential and the blessings of heaven.

I love the Lord; in Him my soul delights.  I am prepared to offer unto Him my whole heart--to make serving in His kingdom my first and favorite thing to do.

I'm writing this here to remind myself for the future--I have never felt more at peace or more filled with courage than I do right now.  If ever I find myself feeling lost, burdened, or hopeless, I need only step back a realign my priorities with the priorities of heaven.

People may doubt this gospel, but I cannot doubt it myself.  How can something that makes me feel so lastingly good, so whole be in any way wrong?

Inspired

Things I apparently need to work on (per stake conference):

Service (particularly visiting teaching and my callings)
Regular temple attendance
FSI (good thing I got called to the FSI committee, eh?)
Not being scared of people
Praying for "what more can I do that's right?" (Sister Oaks is THE BEST.)


I love going to meetings and hearing exactly what I've been a little confused about clarified and explained in just the way I need to hear it.  Our 146-stake conference today was incredible, and I had my testimony strengthened incredibly.

THREE WEEKS UNTIL GENERAL CONFERENCE.

Pink

This is absolutely fascinating.  Seriously.  My mind is a little bit broken right now.

Los Miedos

I absolutely loved the CES devotional from Elder Holland tonight.  Every time I'm extra excited to hear someone talk, I feel like they pick a topic that's especially pertinent to me right at that moment, like Holland did tonight.

It's always really hard for me to be outright about sharing the gospel.  Especially when I'm in some situations where it seems that everyone else scoffs at the morals or standards I'm clinging to.  It's so scary for me to turn and tell them that I believe it.  I hate feeling like I'm imposing my beliefs on someone else or like I'm causing conflict or contention.

Which is why I hung onto every word that left Elder Holland's mouth today.  I loved what he said in response to doubts about "enforcing" others to believe and act the way we do.  I recently read this talk from him and it reminded me why it is that we keep the strong moral commandments that we do.  And then tonight he said that there are some principles that need to be defended wherever they are found, because they aren't social or political issues but eternal ones, and it is far better for us to offend men than to offend the Lord.

That really helped me put everything back into a proper perspective.  We have the truth, and those around us are, unwittingly or not, offending God--how can we just stand by and say nothing, or decide that it's not our place to judge or interfere?  If we truly love God, we will take care to make sure His children follow His commandments and resist defiling and abusing the power He has granted to us on Earth.

That being said, it's important to note that Elder Holland cautions us to do so without demeaning those who transgress or believe differently than we do.  We need to respond to the call to build Zion all around us, and we need to do so with compassion, understanding, and great charity.

I feel so motivated right now to stand up for what I believe, and to defend the standards I hold dear even when people will insult and belittle me.

My very favorite thing about this talk today, and about everything that's been happening around me lately, was the mention of fears and his divine assurance that they will be dissolved.

Let me tell you a little story.  On Thursday night, being bored out of my mind, I ventured upstairs to visit my good friend Mallory.  We had brownies and watched a movie and had a good time.  I was just leaving when we started talking, I can't even remember what about, and I came back in and we talked for a long time.  About a few things, but mostly about being afraid and overcoming our fears. It was a wonderful talk and it put the things I was feeling afraid of or intimidated by into a good perspective.  (Erica and I talked a bit on this same subject on Friday.)

Suffice it to say that I've just had the topic of overcoming fears on my mind for the last few days.  Then today in Sunday School, our teacher shared with us a list he had made on his mission of the four things he noticed interfere with our ability to feel the influence of the spirit:
1. Contention
2. Fears
3. Pride
4. Being too rushed
And there it was again!  Fear!  Being afraid of things, whether it's a fear that we won't get answers to our prayers, fear that we aren't qualified to share the gospel, fear of talking to people we don't know, fear of sticking ourselves out there in order to serve others, etc., is something that inhibits our ability to receive answers to our prayers and to feel the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

So you can imagine how I felt when Elder Holland gave us an apostolic promise that our personal fears will be lifted.  Heavenly Father knew exactly what was a concern in my life and sent four people within the last four days to give me gospel-centered advice and comfort on that precise subject.  Nothing could ever convince me that He is not very real and that He does not love me so very much.

I want to keep this feeling of courage, of testimony in the standards and teachings of the gospel, of an all-eclipsing desire to serve and honor God, of boldness to live and testify the truth in all my words and deeds, even in my appearance, for as long as I can.

I was reminded today that nothing, nothing in the whole world makes me feel as strong, as beloved, as brave, as capable, as beautiful, as humble, as talented, as fearless as does the gospel.  I am more grateful for it and the truths it offers me than words have the power to communicate.

Lluvia

Today it rained while I was walking back from class.
Usually when I see storm clouds I wait until the rain has passed to go home, or I plunge ahead with my head down to get out of the inclement weather as soon as possible.
But that's not what I did today.

Instead of hiding from the rain or acting like I think I'm too good for it, I just closed my eyes and tilted my head up, standing where I was, and welcomed it like an old friend.  I felt the corners of my mouth twitch into a smile because it somehow felt right.  With my eyes still closed, I stepped forward, walking onward, against the storm, still seeing clearly the light from above the clouds filtering through my eyelids.

And so I walked home with big fat drops of water falling out of the sky onto my face and hair, the sidewalk in front of me, the leaves of the trees over my head, and the beautiful smell of Utah rain, the sort of fresh, clean, all-the-world-is-new smell you can't quite find anywhere else, listening to Turn to Stone with an irremovable smile on my face.

I liked it: not being afraid of the rain, not cowering from it, not pretending like I'm too busy and don't have time too notice the simple beauty of the world around me. Because honestly, this world we live in is incredible, and although it shouldn't be--

it's so very easy to miss.

La Primera

I got my first grade back from this semester of college.

Do you wanna know what it was?

Do you?

Really?

It was a 100%.

And so I pat myself on the back and say, "Yes, yes, that's good start.  Just keep it up now, dear."

Bienvenido a la Universidad

Oh, college.
How I love thee.

Today was a marvelous day--I got a ton of homework done and even squeezed in a nap.  I learned the foxtrot and did not fall over or trip over anyone or step on my partners' toes.  I'm actually pretty good at dancing, believe it or not. The TA told me I was doing the steps "perfectly."
(That is so exciting to me.  I honestly believed that I was doomed to a life of utter uncoordination.  But perhaps there is hope for me yet!)  I helped my friend with our Excel homework (and got all the answers right, even WolframAlpha approved.)  I learned all about dienes and addition reactions: both the 1,2 and the 1,4 products, which one is kinetic and which is thermodynamic, how to predict which one will be the major product, and about Diels-Alder reactions, which are honestly super cool.  They follow a concerted reaction mechanism, which is my favorite.  I turned in my calculus homework and my statistics homework, and checked them with my friend/the TA (her name is Jessica) and got the right answers. And because I did so much homework, I got to watch Castle in the Sky.  It was fantastic.  Pazu and Sheeta are ADORABLE.

Tomorrow I only have 2 classes, and they're my easiest 2, so I will get even further ahead on my homework and be all ready to party it up this weekend with my freshman chums.

As always, I'm excited for Episode 7.2 of DW on Saturday, even if Jenna won't be in it.  Because Rupert will be.  Oh, Rupert, darling.

I'll continue my study journal tomorrow.  I'm too tired at present.  Sorry.

Study 1

I'm going to walk you through my daily gospel study.  Because I enjoy learning about the gospel and sharing what I've learned.

-----
Conference Talk:  "Because She Is a Mother," Jeffery R. Holland, April 1997.

I first loved the reference to Lois and Eunice as mothers and grandmothers who, from the very beginning, taught Timothy to know and understand the scriptures.  In my sister's and my favorite book, these two women are portrayed as examples of divine nature, and I believe that in being faithful mothers and grandmothers, they did the utmost to fulfill their divine nature; nothing draws us nearer to God than to serve and act in utter selflessness as parents, just as He does for us.

I also loved the letter from a young mother, who often felt discouraged but always kept in the back of her mind the remembrance that she was doing the work of God.  It says over and over in the scriptures that the Lord will not forget those who follow Him and serve Him faithfully, and that mother understood this truth, and clung to the strength and support of her Heavenly Father as she fought to fulfill her ultimate duty from Him day after day.

This quote struck me particularly: "If you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects of you."  So often in the world it is easy to list off the many things that we are supposed to do as human beings to make a difference, but the most powerful influence undoubtedly comes from righteous parents who raise up children in faith and strength to overcome Satan's ever-increasing power.  And not only will we fulfill our responsibility as a human being, but we will accomplish all that God asks and wants from us.  What a beautiful promise that is!

My lessson in Relief Society on Sunday was on strong women in the scriptures, so it was wonderful to see all the examples listed in this talk of great women who have established for us a "great tradition" that we are more than capable of carrying on.  I also loved the example at the end of the women who touched Christ's robe, daring embarrassment and fighting anxiety and fear, as many of us do as we struggle to fulfill the expectations set before us, but who, as we can, reached Christ, and was counseled, "Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole."

-----
I typed up my scripture study too, but blogspot decided to delete it, and I am not about to type the whole thing out again.
So I'll give you scriptures along with my conference talk tomorrow.

Quiero Ver las Estrellas

I'm absolutely in love with stars.  I always have been.  They have always meant a myriad things to me.
To be perfectly honest, it probably started when I was in the seventh grade, when Switchfoot released their album Nothing Is Sound with the single entitled "Stars."
No wait, scratch that.  It started with The Lion King.  That was when I first started to see stars as a representation of infinity, as pinpricks of the glory and beauty of heaven peeking through the dark blanket of night.
Stars are, to me, the perfect conglomerate of divinity, eternity, adventure, opportunity, constancy, and direction.
I love how when I look at them, I feel close to heaven, humbled because of how small I feel, but noble because I am powerfully reminded that I'm important to my Heavenly Father, that even with the whole wide universe under His command, He actually knows me and cares about me and makes sure I get to my flight on time and that I can figure out how to do my math homework before it's due.  I love how the stars seem to go on forever, how I can only see a few of them but yet I know that there are more of them, stretching outward for an infinity, and none of it is out of God's reach, power, or understanding.
I love how they always seem to beckon me closer, reminding me that there is all this space out there, untouched, unseen, waiting for someone who has enough courage to follow her dreams and fling herself out there.  There is always a chance to do something no one else can do, something only you can accomplish, and each one of us has the power to create our own infinity, to make an enormous difference in the world, in the whole universe, in the eyes of God.
I love the North Star.  Even when all the constellations around it spin and change and fade, that star steadfastly points north, not affected in any way by the fluctuations and variations around it.  Stars are a reminder that Heavenly Father is aware of us, that He is a North Star for us to follow, and He will unfailingly guide us home to Him.  With the gospel, we are never left groundless in the chaos and uncertainty of the world, and I love that.
-----
But what I really want to talk about is the name of my blog, the phrase "show me the stars."
Because stars are beautiful; they are magnificent and incredible; they offer so much from which we can learn.
But sometimes it's cloudy, or dark, or stormy, or we're tired, and we just can't see the stars.  We can't see the infinite opportunities that lie ahead of us; we're blind to our Heavenly Father's unfailing and unflinching love for us; we can't find direction because nothing we can see is sound or sure.
And that's when we need someone or something to "show us the stars."  It can be a testimony borne to us, a caring friend who takes the time to listen, just a simple smile from a passerby, a scripture, a heartfelt prayer.  All at once in that moment the clouds part, the storm blows past, and we can see with unparalleled clarity the piercing beauty of the stars.
So I invite you to join me in my journey to not only see the stars more consistently and more clearly, but to show the stars to those who struggle to fine them in the darkness.

The Girl Who Can

I'm back!
I've decided to stop neglecting this blog.
mostly because I got THE BEST url for it.  But also because it's pretty and nice and I like it.
So I will be keeping you all updated with my life and college and everything crazy.

And since I can't think of anything clever or interesting to talk about, let's talk about my current female celebrity crush.

Miss Jenna-Louise Coleman.

She's gorgeous, funny, clever, and her acting is phenomenal.  She's basically perfect and I love her.

On a completely unrelated note, I've rather been craving a souffle.

I'm so glad to be back at school, and I'm having a wonderful time with all my friends and working hard for all my classes.  Tomorrow is a ward social and then a stake pool party, so I'll be looking my best to find all the cute guys.  Because what else is really even the point of going to BYU besides that?

But I'll be around to keep this lovely blog updated.  Even if no one reads it.