(Elder Bednar's part starts around 19:00.)
As I've been pondering his talk and my own experiences on the topic, I have a few insights to share.
Here are three different times I have learned to trust in the Lord.
1) In mid-September, I suddenly realized that I wanted to be preparing as much as I could for temple marriage and the choices I was making, though not bad, were not getting me closer to that goal. I started making dramatic changes: stepping outside my comfort zone to serve people, bearing and strengthening my testimony, studying the gospel more diligently and regularly. And I decided that with this spiritual progress, I also wanted a boyfriend. I knew (and felt confident) that I was doing what Heavenly Father wanted me to do, so I began to ask for His help. I would do what I could, and He would help me find a boyfriend. On the next fast Sunday, I fasted for "an experience that would prepare me to be in a relationship." The following day, it appreared that my prayers were being answered. More boys than usual had talked to me and even flirted a little, and I felt incandescently happy.
Two or three days later, all that progress was completely gone. No one I knew had any interest in dating me and I began to feel frustrated. I didn't understand why Heavenly Father approved of my efforts to work toward temple marriage and yet refused His help in what I considered one of the most important parts. It was beyond my comprehension why He didn't want me to have this (and it was pretty clear to me that He didn't.) This was the best thing I could do to prepare at this point in my life and He was telling me NO.
So I took a step back and calmed my own desires. It was apparent to me that He wanted something else for me, so I began searching for what that might be. I prayed and studied my scriptures and kept working on the things I knew I was doing right while asking Him what He wanted me to do instead. And I was excited to receive His answer and follow His guidance.
Then came Saturday. I was sitting on the couch in my best friend's apartment, watching the beginning of Conference on her TV, when I decided to pick a question I wanted to have answered. The words came into my mind "What do you want me to do right now, with my life?" and although that seemed a bit blunt, that was what I asked Heavenly Father just before the opening prayer. It was not five minutes later when I received my answer. The Lord wanted me to serve a mission. And He wanted me to go without hesitation, to be able to drop what ties I had and go. I felt so strongly that this was His plan for me, this was the reason for the "NO" before. It was not because He didn't love me or didn't approve of my efforts to serve Him: it was because He had something far, far better in mind for me.
2) As I was working on my mission papers, nearly all my friends assured me that I would serve in a foreign country, and I really wanted to. I really, really wanted to go to Europe. But then I realized that I didn't have the proper attitude: this was not my mission, it was the Lord's. And it was for Him to decide where I was to go.
In the week before I received my call, I stopped wanting to go to any specific place. I didn't just say "I want to go to Europe, but Thy will be done. Just keep in mind that I really want to go to Europe." By the time my call arrived, I had no hopes or expectations for where I might go. I had realized that it didn't matter where I went: what mattered was that I did go and that I was teaching the gospel. Before I opened my call, I said a prayer thanking Heavenly Father for this chance to serve Him and telling Him that no matter what it said in that envelope, I could not wait to go and serve Him.
When I opened my call and read the words Spain Madrid, I could hardly believe my eyes. I felt that Heavenly Father had known my desires all along, and that fact that I had completely let those desires go to make room for His will is what allowed me to go to where I had wanted to go.
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| Opening my call... |
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| Right after reading my call |
3) After I received my mission call, I heard that there was a huge backup for visas to Spain, and a lot of Spain-bound missionaries were waiting in the U.S. for their visas to come through. At first I was rather disappointed, and then I again realized that I wasn't looking at this the right way.
I knew that if Heavenly Father needed me in Spain right away, He could get my visa through. But if He first needed me somewhere else, He would send me there first. And as the latter seemed more probable, I started to get excited about the chance to maybe be a visa-waiter somewhere. I had served a mini-mission, and knew how potent missionary work is no matter where you are. I was thrilled at the thought that I might lead someone closer to their Savior, whether I did so in Spain or elsewhere while waiting for my visa to go through. As it turns out, the holdup on visas has stopped, and there is a very good chance that I will be able to attend the Madrid MTC for at least part of my missionary training.
What I've learned from these experiences about how to trust in the Lord is that it's not enough to say "Thy will be done," but you actually have to look forward to His will. When you stop wanting your own desires and actually want His more than anything, that's when you are blessed. Whether that blessing is what you desired or what He desires for you, you'll know that it's right and you will be immensely happy. I have done so, and I am unbelievably happy with the way every one of these situations has turned out.
This is, of course, much easier said than done, but it's a perspective that is worth gaining. I promise!
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